The night before :

My challenge for tomorrow is to have dinner with my roommate and his friends. I think I need to know more people, probably could meet some very interesting people. Also, this is a chance for me to get out of my room.

I had dinner with my 2 roommates and 4 other friends that I did not know. We had a good dinner and I had a great conversation with the guys around me. I believe this kinda improved my friendship my my roommate. We even made an appointment that we should go for a real NBA match next month, which is definitely some extra bonus cuz I always want to watch one.

I walked to my room with worries and unwillingness. I feel like I failed again. Again and again. This time I will set the most realistic plan to make sure things could work with my efficiency.

I am worried about the next midterm. I can not understand many things in class. I basically have to learn, learn and learn. I will try my best to balance my life.

I am doing meditation every day.

So in order to relieve my stress, I am going to schedule a new plan for tomorrow. I am going to sleep at 12:40 and get up at 9. I will get to school and 10. I will spend  3 hours on algorithm. After security, I will spend 3 hours on ml. I will finally spend 3 hours on research. And then I will come home.

Life is not easy for me. I will try my best.

I am also worried about my business a little bit now. Like these training companies, would my method work? I think I need to do some research. But still, I think it has a lot of potential

I hope when I am back, I will say, I have finished machine learning, net security and algorithm very efficiently.

Well, as usual, I did not finish the task and I hate myself.

But I did finish quite a few things. I finished security, most of machine learning and research a little bit.

Well, maybe I set up such a high goal that I could not even finish it. One of the improvements that I can make is to set a earlier deadline and that could make things easier. Tomorrow my goal would be to finish algorithm before class. Finish machine learning after class. At night, I will do the research part. I really really need to start my app now cuz time is really really important.

I try to calm myself down. So my goal for tomorrow is to finish everything on time and 2 would be the deadline. I am basically just doing things I should finish today. Although it was impossible, this goal is very possible.

I am doing my plan as planned I can say. Focus on current, focus on now and focus on my love.

I think I did quite a few things today. But I do feel that efficiency is now a big problem for me. What I did today is for big data research and machine learning. I think I should just focus on current and ignore the future. I would see every day as a battle and enjoy the feeling of victory. Life is difficult and I need to live as happy as possible. So I need to win the battle tomorrow and return as a winner. I need to be more efficient. Efficiency is the most important thing. Tomorrow we will win the battle. Right now I will just wash my face and enjoy the show and meditate.

I am still worried about the security exam and hopefully I would not get a F. I really need to work hard on these things. I think tomorrow what I will do is to look at the slides first and then finish the assignment. After meeting until the class.

Next, I will spend my time on machine learning.

I have 11:30-1:30 security

I have 3:30-5:30 ml

I have 6-12 algorithm, s, m

My thought

I have been really busy but not productive. What I will do is to make thing better by setting up a deadline. If the deadline is Friday, for me, it is wednesday. Now I have my assignment for security, algorithm and machine learning. First of all, I will finish my research first. I will give myself 2 hours to do this. Next I will finish writing the research part and I will give myself 3 hours on it. That will basically be the afternoon.

my machine learning work, I will do next. I will spend the whole night on it.

Next, Monday, I will spend the whole day working on security and algorithm and I will set the deadline to be 2 am.

Next, Tuesday, I will spend the whole day reviewing algorithm, ml and others.

Next, Wednesday, I will start working on my business and review and rest

I have been really stressed and I believe working hard could help me. I believe during this time, efficiency is more important than anything. I will take 5 minutes to meditate every day and another 10 minutes to review ios and 30 minutes if possible, to watch a show and even running in the gym.

I set my self these goals to achieve because they are really difficult and I need to put all of my heart on it. These are the hard deadlines I set. And I really really need to finish it.

On another hand, I will print security out to help me. I also need to borrow notes. Life is difficult but I can be real tough without getting sick. Lets buy something if I am able to get this done

Now let’s do it

meditate every day

I can do it for 3 days. But this time I will continue on this for 2 weeks first

I tried to do this every day but I did not finish this yesterday. So what I am going to do is to keep on this

Goal start my business

I always always want to start my business. I really really want to do this. Can not wait now!!!

I did like 15 minutes of tutorial. great start, lol. I will do some more tomorrow. I feel like this is my destiny. I shall continue to do this until I make it. I actually now feel every day I just need to spare like 15 minutes and thats enough. I should do this. I really should

Goal : contact a friend that I have not contacted for a while

I contacted him but did not get a reply. I guess life is not like every day I could learn something:)

Goal:

write a diary every day.

I feel there is a need to for me to vent. Considering that I do not have a therapist right now, writing a diary or meditation is the best for me. I am wring a dairy every night. I will try to. I have a chance to talk to someone, who is myself, though. I am lonely, helpless and in a bad mood and this is affecting my health. Writing a diary could be helpful to me. I have written a diary every day for 2 days and I feel it is helping a little bit at least. I will continue to do this.

What’s the challenge?

take a look at my bad exam — face my failure

Why?

I am afraid to face failure. This is more difficult since I have never, or at least do not know, that I could get such a low score. I am afraid to be faced with my score, or other failure.

How has this fear affected your life so far?

How was the experience?

I am worried and I needed to do meditation. I believe I need to do something to cheer me up. I need to take care of myself. I need to praise myself for things. I need to do it every day. And I need to have a realistic plan to praise for. I am not handling this well. Maybe its time for me to find a therapist

What advice can you give others with similar fears?